As you may have picked up from A)knowing me or B)reading between the lines of my posts I am actually doing really well in the panic attack/anxiety department. I have been doing so much hard work and it is finally paying off! I have been out to restaurants several times now- including during busy times. I am also starting to drive myself to shopping and hangouts. It is spectacularly freeing. I love that I know now that I CAN do it if I keep pushing through. That being said, I am still struggling with doctors appointments as the wait is often quite long and I can feel the panic seeping in after 15 minutes or so. But on the whole, things are definitely moving in the right direction.
So yesterday I went to the Library. Alone. It was AMAZING. Just being there was so soothing and so many new books have come out since my last visit. It took me FOREVER to narrow my choices down to just two. It felt like old times browsing the shelves just waiting for something to jump out instead of grabbing the closest thing and fleeing.
I am reading “The Testaments” by Margret Atwood. It is absolutely absorbing. I read the first half this morning and am dying for bed-time to read the other half!
The reason that motivated me to go to the Library at all was my utter lack of ability to write anything. My novels are all languishing in a baby induced stupor. I can’t explain it. I’m happy, I’m able to get lots done, but sit me in front of a computer and my mind goes blank. It’s like this little bean is getting all of my creative energy- which I guess is a good thing. I’ve decided that since writing eludes me, I will spend this time reading all those things I will have no time for in a few short months. I’m talking some of the classics and more modern works of literature. I want to build my vocabulary and solidify my style before I go back to writing.
The kindle is great, and I have lived through it for more then a year, but I must gush about the FEEL of paper sliding between your fingers with each page turn. I love the weight of a hardcover in your lap. But mostly I love just how much is available FOR FREE at the Library. I am so excited we are friends again.