My brain is a toddler.
It refuses to nap. Then gets so tired by the end of the day it throws a tantrum at bedtime. Sometimes I’m so over-tired I cry with frustration as my restless legs keep me up pacing the house. I fall asleep in front of the TV but when I get moved to bed by hubby I am wide awake again.
In the morning I wake confused about what day and time it is, but ready to jump up and play. Then as the morning wears on my faculties deteriorate to liquid walls, breathing furniture and a dense fog preventing any productivity.
I do the best I can around the house, too scared to go out, but its generally a waste of a day.
Then bedtime rolls around again. Sometimes, mollified by my day of spoiling, I fall asleep peacefully and on time. The next day I wake as if the last 48 hours had never happened. But sometimes the cycle starts again. My sleep debt grows and grows, and things make less and less sense.
The frustrating part is I don’t deserve this punishment. I do all the things. I vigorously exercise everyday. No caffeine after my breakfast coffee. I stay busy. I have a long and elaborate nighttime routine. And yet- my two-year old brain is displeased and throws itself around crying most nights.
I’ve added melatonin for now, it is helping slightly. The worst part in my meds (always taken at the same time) make me a drooling zombie while I cry in frustration. It’s like trying to put yourself to bed drunk.
I am comforted that this may all be related to the pregnancy. It definitely happened before, but on a pretty predictable cycle. Now its way more frequent and random. Only 17 weeks left…. Holy crap that has never seemed so long.
And yes, I realize this is only the beginning of my sleepless journey. But I ASSUME that baby-induced fatigue is easier to nap through then a brain who is a jerk.