Restless nights

Sleep is one of those things that you don’t appreciate until it abandons you. Laying in bed awake is possibly one of the worst feelings. When you know you have a full day the next day, yet your fevered brain is running a marathon in your skull its enough to make anyone freak out. I spend most of my night trying to meditate, make lists, count sheep… anything. The music plays, my thoughts wander everywhere, and my eyes won’t stay closed.

Sometimes I drop off and have these incredible dreams so vivid I wake up to do things and realize minutes later that its not real. Its disorienting, upsetting, and I’m pretty sure it means I’m not getting good restful sleep.

During the day I run as if powered by steam. Constantly moving, never settled. I feel awake- which is strange and probably not healthy. I can’t nap. I don’t even feel like I need to. The only symptom of my 2-4 hours per night (so far) is being bitchy and forgetful. The hysterical sobbing seems to have passed and left behind a kind of strange detachment.

Hubby goes back to work Wednesday. We are going to run a little experiment in coping this week. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

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